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You can be the difference for friends who are having a tough time by offering support and an open ear. You should NOT keep it a secret if your friends tell you something about their plan to hurt themselves or someone else. Sometimes people don’t know how to ask for help and suicide plans or attempts are their way of letting others know how bad they feel. Most people who are thinking about suicide don’t actually want to die – they want to end their pain. By telling a trusted adult about your friend’s plan to kill themselves, you are doing more than saving your friend’s life – you are helping them find a safe way to feel better and stop the pain. Rather than be mad at you for telling, they will be relieved to no longer feel so depressed and to know that they are not alone. Getting them the help that they need shows how much you care about them. Below are some suggestions to help you become a good support for your friend.
Ask
Ask your friend if they’re ok. Don’t ignore it when you see them
looking sad, getting angry frequently or telling you they have some
problems. Take all talk of suicide seriously. They might be checking
out whether anyone is really listening. Say something like, “I’m concerned
about you. What’s going on?” or “you’ve been acting different, what’s
up? I care about you. Tell me what’s going on so I can try to help
or at least listen.” Don’t wait for them to tell you. They might think
they are telling you with their actions and are waiting for you to ask
about it. It is really hard for someone to ask for help. Don’t make them
ask. Go ahead and ask if they need help.
Listen
Now that you’ve asked what’s going on, you need to listen. People
often worry about what to say to someone who is really upset or suicidal.
Just remember that this is about them, so let them do most of the talking.
Show that you are really listening and understanding, but don’t judge,
offer too much advice or tell too many stories about your own problems.
Talk to someone
Sometimes just listening to your friend will be enough
to help them feel better, but if it’s not, you can’t keep it to yourself.
You need to talk to an adult who can help – your parent (or someone else’s
parent), older brother/sister, aunt/uncle, teacher, counselor, pastor,
rabbi, mental health counselor, coach, neighbor or principal. If the first
person doesn’t help, go talk to someone else. Offer to go with your friend
to talk to that person.
Keep checking in with your friend
Let your friend know you’ll be there
for them no matter what and then ask your friend from time to time how
it’s going.
Know when he or she needs more help. If your friend is talking about suicide or hurting himself or herself, you need to get help immediately. Call 1-800-273-TALK for support 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
For more information on helping a friend, check out: http://www.whatadifference.samhsa.gov/
